You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
