Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
His hands were made for my vagina.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Randomize
