Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
We smell like vodka and hangover
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
