We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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