TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize