dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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