Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
