Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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