I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Your tits are I can't wait for
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Randomize
