are you still at the devil's house?
I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
he fucked my hip out of place.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
