all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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