Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
It's blow job season.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize