if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
