In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
