I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
