get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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