Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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