I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
just found out that she named her cat after me.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Randomize
