Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
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