Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize
