remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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