He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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