i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Alive.
So much puke
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
