Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
