ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Randomize
