i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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