that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Boobs speak an international language.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
