so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
