Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Oh god it's open bar.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
