I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Randomize