i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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