The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
