I hate your face
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
