he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
