Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Randomize