No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
