you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
wow bdsm is so cute
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