We named our party play list daddy issues
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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