Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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