My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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