Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
