Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
