i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Randomize
