were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize
