I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
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