I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
