ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
The adults are the big ones right?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
