Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
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