How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
