Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
