What a fucking waste of an outfit
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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