what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Welp...herpes.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
