I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
