Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize