Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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