i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
