Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
