omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
