Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize