It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
