To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
