I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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