Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize