Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
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