Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
