She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Randomize
