We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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