he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
