And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
