There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
