I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
My ATM looks so different sober.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
