i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
