my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
