At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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