He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
