Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
