I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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