Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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