So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
