think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
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