You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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