if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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