My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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