i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
