We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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