yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize