What did we do last night that was yellow?
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
