Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
