I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
