Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Randomize
