Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
