maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
