God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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