That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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