Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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