glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
