People with herpes should wear stickers.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
it's great music for shaving your balls
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
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