so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
