Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Randomize