hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
