Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize