I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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