Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize
