I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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