If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
