Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Randomize
